Week 18

And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of Miracles and yet be an unchangable being? And behold, I say unto you he changeth not, if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles. Mormon 9:19

Olivia va a bautizarse.

Nueve de Diciembre.

Este Jueves.

YEAH!!!!

La historia de Olivia:

When I arrived in Paraguay on Oct. 6th, we had an investigator, Werner, who we were teaching. Werner had 22 years, and lived with his mom, Olivia. Shortly after I arrived, the 21st of October, Werner was baptized.

We would return to visit our recent convert often. His mother, who had previously elected to not participate in our lessons, (she wanted Werner´s Baptism to be his own, without a decision influenced by her) began to listen to our message, and within a matter of days just caught fire. She was devouring EVERYTHING we had to offer. We would teach a principle, and she would take every last peice of it in, understanding with remarkable clarity. She would complete reading assignments, and share what she learned when we met the next day. I found myselt, on multiple occassions, being taught by her, just listening as she would explain something like reverence, and how it´s not just outward, but involves our heart and our mind. Very impressionable, the way she learned. Soooo many questions. So, we passed by almost every night at 7:30, 8pm to follow up with Werner, and teach Olivia.

About a week ago, we hit a wall. We had taught everything that´s required for baptism, and then some. She knew it all. But she was still smoking, and drinking coffe. So, we taught one day, and told her that she was going to quit the next day. She was a little bit taken aback, but agreed.

The next day, we passed by, and she had smoked. We didn´t understand it.

A few days later, she told us that she felt like we were pushing her, rushing her. And because of that, she had dropped. A lot. She wasn´t reading. She wasn´t studying. And she was smoking MORE.

Bad Idea, huh?

I was distraught. E´ Swenson had once taught me that I needed to write down my questions, my challenges. The ones that I didn´t know how to resolve myself, the ones for which I needed to receive revealation. So I did. And during my estudias, I would search for her. We would come home at night, and my mind would just be swimming with ideas on how we could help her to quit.

We spent the next few days just trying to fill her with the spirit, get her back to health with her spirituality. We loaded her with reading assighnments, areas of study, chapters, talks, anything that came to us, that we felt like would help. And we just gave her a little bit of space.

And then Monday came around. We went and visited her after p day. She had had a terrible day. Very unlike her. And she was bothered. At her work she had felt very confused, and very lonely. Previously in her life, she had felt very in charge. She was the boss, the author of her own days, thoughts, and feelings. But something had changed. She felt something missing in her life. Her mind was cluttered. Giving up smoking was what sat in the back of her thoughts all day long. It was driving her nuts. She felt very lonely in the day. It wasn´t the same anymore. Her most peaceful times, the times she had begun to look forward to, were when we were teaching her at nights, and when she was in the Church.

I had never seen Olivia struggle before. She´s a very small, petite woman, almost 60 years old. Regardless, she was strong. A weathered, tough woman when it came to emotions. A long life of major ups and downs. She was almost always positive, without a doubt. But that day, you could see it. She was at a breaking point. The end of her rope. The strong mother who had raised her kids solo most of her life, who had been successful in her business world, who had done just fine alone for so many years, was stuck. Without an answer. It showed in her eyes. She was beat. Almost crying. Her voice kept wavering, trying to hold back her frustration and doubt.

Heavenly Father had given her that day, as we will come to see. Ether 12:27.

We just listened for most of the lesson. Olivia tried to explain what was going on. I think she was talking, just trying to explain it to herself. AS I quitely listened, thinking of who she was, and what she was becoming, how she had changed, I felt this overwhelming sense of the Love that Christ had for her. It filled me, up and down, with empathy, and.... I don´t know how to explain it..... just the Love, Pure Love, that Christ had for her. I had been filled with that love earlier in the day, during my personal study. I was reading in 3 Nephi 17, where Christ calls the Children and the Afflicted. His bowels are filled with mercy, and he takes each one individually, and blesses them.

I shared that with Olivia, along with 2 other scriptures that consecutively came to my mind. Elder Divis shared. We testified of Christ´s Love. That´s all. The spirit was there, and strong. We didn´t have every answer that she might have wanted, but that Love seemed to wash out everything else.

That perfect feeling didn´t last forever. Elder Divis and I got home and got into an hour long, very heated discussion. He felt like she wasn´t progressing. She knew EVERYTHING the we could teach her, and still couldn´t give up smoking. If an investigator isn´t progressing, we have to visit less. A lot less. That´s the rule. THat´s the rule. He wanted to visit her 1 time a week, give her time to think, to decide. He felt like we were babying her, not letting her progress on her own.

I was pretty mad, I´m not going to lie. She read everything we gave her. She prayed SOOOOO fervently, she really talked with God. She was trying so hard to figure things out. But she was stuck.

I tried to convince myself and elder Divis that she needed us, that she really was progressing, and that we needed to keep going by her house.

It´s a tough line, between friendship and missionary work. A really tough line. Are you doing what you´re doing because it´s what´s best for them spiritually? Or are you letting your love for your investigator cloud your judgement?

In the end Elder Divis had reason. I knew it. And I felt sick about it.

Tuesday morning. District meeting. We shared what was going on, and everyone agreed. She wasn´t progressing. We needed to visit her less, give her some space, some time to think for herself.

I was down. Really down. I couldn´t figure it out. I had once received a VERY strong spiritual impression that she was prepared beforehand, for years, and I was in centro, if NOTHING else, to teach her and her family. I KNEW that. I just couldn´t figure out why we felt like leaving her was the right thing to do.

Ether 12:6. "...Faith is things wich are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith."

My MTC teacher explained it to me once. Sometimes you´ll be walking down a hall. You know it´s the right hall. At the end of the hall, there´s a glass door. What you´re heading for is on the other side of that door. You can see it. But the funniest thing is happening. That door isn´t opening. You´re walking, and it´s not opening.

You arrive to this point, this split second in time that seems to extend much longer. Your foot´s in mid-stride, your nose is practically touching the glass. (I was there and I was just thinking, "wow, this is really quite ridiculous" ;_). I that moment, you have no choice but to choose. You can either close your eyes and step forward, or you can stop.

THAT is the trial of your faith, in that moment.

Brother Robbins from UVU always said that Heavenly Father LOVES a photo finish. He will take you down to the wire, the last second of the fourth quarter, the last play of the second half. We can´t get up early and leave just because it looks like it´s going to be a rough ending. If we stick with Him the WHOLE way, he will show us a miracle. A beautiful, miraculous ending, that goes JUST the way he planned.

(Don´t take this wrong, but I almost picture Bronco Mendenhall´s game face, teeth gritted, tensely watching, and then his still-very-formal fist pump when the critical play goes through. ;_)

2 Nephi 27:23. " For behold, I am God; and I am a God of miracles; ...and I work not among the children of men save it be according to their faith."

We had made our decision. We had taken our step. We were going to tell her that Tuesday night, the 30th of November, that we couldn´t come by any more.

3:00 p.m. She called. The door whipped open. Baseline, fade-away buzzer beater. Touchdown. Whatever you want to call it. She called us.

"I want to set a date for my baptism. I don´t have time to talk. Today´s been a wonderful day."

"Bueno Hermana. Hablamos esta noche."

"Bueno"

"Chau"

And who said you can´t have awesome phone calls on your mission???

We got there, she couldn´t explain it. She felt like it was a cumulation of many things, over a very long time. She had had a terrible day monday that just pushed her over the edge, and woke up Tuesday wanting to quit her addictions. She said it was a peaceful decision. It just came. She had one cigarrette let in the box, and it´s still sitting there, a week later, in her purse. Unwanted.

Olivia´s getting baptized the 9th of December. She will be a leader in the church until the day she dies. I have no doubt of that.

She´s looking forward to the temple. The last 20, 30, 40 years of her life will be full, joyful, beautiful ones.

I testify that God IS a God of Miracles. I´m working for him right now. He works miracles, changes lives, because he loves us. He pleads with us to trust Him to stick with him. And he promises that if we do, he will work something beautiful.

I get to be here, and watch it all first had.

This is what happens here on the Mission. I´m being given these wonderful experiences, watching light come into lives. Including mine. I love it here.

I share this experience with you, and my Testimony that HE LIVES, our Savior, Jesucristo, and loves us. Because of that Love, he Atoned for us so that we can Change, and Become the person that he sees in us. This I leave in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Elder Stewart